Its that time of year again..

I used to be here under the name squishyish, now i’m linked through facebook, so to save myself typing out my story again, here’s the link to my first post: http://www.teenslivingwithcancer.org/2010/09/01/i-have-colon-cancer/

As it is now almost October, im nearing my yearly colonoscopy. I dread it everytime. The horrible picosalax the night before, the hunger, it all sucks, to put it bluntly. Last year they moved me to the adult hospital, i got a new doctor, and i now am put under local anesthetic. It messed with my memory quite a bit. I don’t remember waking up, leaving the hospital, or any of the rest of the day. I was told i spent it at home with my (at the time) boyfriend, and i felt terrible that i didnt remember him being there. It also cost me my job. I made an error with my cab receipts because i couldnt remember things. I was furious, that this stupid cancer ruined so much. I’ve now found a steady job, and theyre aware that i will be a little confused the day back from my absence.

I go for my colonoscopy on October 18th, and even though ive had minimal growth the past two years, im still just as scared. Scared that my brother’s will have gotten much worse over the year, scared that mine will have taken a turn for the worse.. Ive been so sick this past year and a half, with 3 kidney infections, ovarian cysts, strep throat more times than i can count, infections, and most recently tonsillitis. I’ve had it for 3 months, just havent been able to afford the time off to get them removed. I know it all has nothing to do with the cancer, but it worries me. I just wish i wasnt known as the girl who’s always sick. I just want to be healthy. I’m tired of it affecting my life so much.

So now im playing the waiting game. Waiting to find out if theres more wrong with me this time..
i really hope not.. its been a rough year emotionally, and things are finally calming down. I don’t need another crisis..

Sorry for rambling, i just wish i had someone to talk to about it, that knew what it feels like. I have my brother, but its different when you’ve both grown up together with it, and he’s not as much of a worrywart as me. And now that im living on my own, i don’t see him much anymore..

September 23, 2011 by  
Filed under Coping with Cancer

  • http://www.facebook.com/janderson378 Justin Anderson

    Hey, even though I dont have colon cancer, I do know what its like to play the waiting game. Right now I am dealing with medullary thyroid cancer, and all I can do is wait and hope it doesnt get worse. Its a pain, sure, but we cant let it get us down. All we really can do is take it a day at a time and just hope for the best. If you need someone to talk to you can always shoot me a message or add me on facebook, I would be glad to talk to someone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001400124762 Makayla Marie Hoyt

    Umm Hi I’m Makayla and I’ m 14. I was dinanosed with colon cancer when I was 11 and and the pass year I have fianlly got to go home and right now I’m in remisson. So I know how you feel about the yucky medicine you have to take the night before so your system is flush out. That stuff always makes me throw up so I understand that. And you not getting to eat. Yeah And my colonoscopy is coming in the summer and every summer something almost all ways goes wrong to where I’m in the hosptial so I scared to death cuz i don’t want to do my 17th surgery so I understand the fear and stuff. Then I have everyone saying everything will be fine but in the back of my head I’m like” What if…” so I guess that makes us two worrywards. But the thing I’m most worried about is not being able to go back to school or what will My friends think. and I already have a weak amond systym and it sucks because I miss alot of days. so if you wanna vent or talk about I have a facebook

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