Its that time of year again..
I used to be here under the name squishyish, now i’m linked through facebook, so to save myself typing out my story again, here’s the link to my first post: http://www.teenslivingwithcancer.org/2010/09/01/i-have-colon-cancer/
As it is now almost October, im nearing my yearly colonoscopy. I dread it everytime. The horrible picosalax the night before, the hunger, it all sucks, to put it bluntly. Last year they moved me to the adult hospital, i got a new doctor, and i now am put under local anesthetic. It messed with my memory quite a bit. I don’t remember waking up, leaving the hospital, or any of the rest of the day. I was told i spent it at home with my (at the time) boyfriend, and i felt terrible that i didnt remember him being there. It also cost me my job. I made an error with my cab receipts because i couldnt remember things. I was furious, that this stupid cancer ruined so much. I’ve now found a steady job, and theyre aware that i will be a little confused the day back from my absence.
I go for my colonoscopy on October 18th, and even though ive had minimal growth the past two years, im still just as scared. Scared that my brother’s will have gotten much worse over the year, scared that mine will have taken a turn for the worse.. Ive been so sick this past year and a half, with 3 kidney infections, ovarian cysts, strep throat more times than i can count, infections, and most recently tonsillitis. I’ve had it for 3 months, just havent been able to afford the time off to get them removed. I know it all has nothing to do with the cancer, but it worries me. I just wish i wasnt known as the girl who’s always sick. I just want to be healthy. I’m tired of it affecting my life so much.
So now im playing the waiting game. Waiting to find out if theres more wrong with me this time..
i really hope not.. its been a rough year emotionally, and things are finally calming down. I don’t need another crisis..
Sorry for rambling, i just wish i had someone to talk to about it, that knew what it feels like. I have my brother, but its different when you’ve both grown up together with it, and he’s not as much of a worrywart as me. And now that im living on my own, i don’t see him much anymore..