Bone marrow transplant (AML)

Hi my name is joelle im 18 and was diagnosed with AML January 11 2012. Its unbelievable how even now 7 months later i still feel asthough i may wake up from this nightmare. I remember feeling tired and losing a lot of weight months before taking a blood test.I have to say the hardest part is realising how this isnt a dream and watching everyone around you break into tears asking questions you dont even have the answers to..yet. Ive done 3 chimos 1 of which didnt work. When the doctors came in my room telling me the secound chimo had worked a great sense of relief came upon me. I have trouble accepting why certain people get more unlucky then others, i feel like i cannot let go of the one question that im sure troubles every cancer patient for quiet some time…why? Having lived my whole life a healthy child and now being dependent on drugs and medicine i feel as though i am no longer in control of my body or my future. Iam so thankful to have such amazing doctors to look after me and treat my sickness. Although i couldnt be happier that i am now in remission my fear of a bone marrow transplant subsides all else. I somehow found some luck in my misfortune they say finding someone compatable with you is like winning the lottery, My brother is compatible with me therefore the doctors have decided it would be best to proceed.I am so thankful, i remember asking my doctor if any of my siblings were compatable and the secound she mentioned my brother i fell apart, it must have been a mix of happiness and wonder. I wish someone could tell me its going to be fine its a very safe procedure and youre going to get out of it a ok but no one does, and even if somebody did would i believe them. I have faith that i will be ok but i also have fear. All i want is to have my normal life back the one i chose to dispise and not appreciate. I know my battle isnt over but im sick of fighting its exhausting. I know what i have to do and im going to do it because i want to be here.

June 26, 2012 by  
Filed under Coping with Cancer

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/4KEVGNGDAAXXMGFOQPPXLGGBBU Daniela

    Hi Joelle,

    I’m Daniela, and I’m 17. I was diagnosed with ALL when I was 12 and I relapsed this March. I feel like we have the same thoughts. Sometimes I would just think of how one person has to worry about whether or not they’re going to have a future at all while others worry about dumb little things. It’s not fair and I’ve spend many nights just crying because I want to live so bad. I have 2 options right now. To just do chemotherapy, or a transplant. But there is no match for me- in the whole entire world! It’s unbelievable. And I can’t even understand how some people would say no to becoming a bone marrow donor because “it would hurt too much”. My family has done so many bone marrow drives, and you have no idea how many times we’ve heard that. Compared to what someone with cancer goes through, that is NOTHING.

    We found a transplant in which they would use my dad’s haploid cells + a baby cord. And now we’re stuck with this incredibly hard decision to make, whether I want to go with transplant and risk the dangerous side effects, or whether I want to go with chemo and risk relapse yet again. It feels like a no win / no win situation. I am scared just like you. And I am tired just like you. Tired of fighting. But like you said. I want to be here.

    Feel free to keep in touch. Sometimes having someone to talk to that understands helps.
    -Daniela

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