I Don’t Get It

I was diagnosed with ALL, a type of Leukemia, nearly 2.5 years ago on June 22, 2010 when I was 18 and a new High School Graduate. I was told it was going to be a three year treatment and I thought I could handle it. I’m 21 now and at college and I’ll be finished when I’m 22. I’m at my 8 month count down (end date is in Oct. 27, 2013) but now I’m getting more and more scared and I don’t know why. I was ok at first, even though the first few months were hell. When I got my first bone marrow biopsy, my parents were much more scared for me than I was. But now that I take daily pills and once a month treatments, it seems like this will never end. I think my support system is going downhill. My parents got divorced last year; it was coming for a while but I think the stress of my treatments helped pushed it over the edge. They both love me and support me, but it seems like the whole structure of my family is gone and that was something I was afraid of ever since I was a kid. I don’t know, I think I just have to man up and take it, but sometimes it’s hard. I know that there are people that have it much, much, worse than me; and seeing others struggles make me grateful for what I have. I think as a survivor I owe it to them to live my life to the fullest and do Gods work. But every time I see those pills in my hand before I go to sleep, it all just seems… wasted. Like I struggled all that time and I’m still not allowed to stop. I shouldn’t feel this way and it’s very frustrating. Does anyone know what to do? Or felt this way as well?