wow. feels alot better to just get it out there.
my dad passed away of it when i was 3 1/2 years old.. passed it on to my brother and me. Ever since i was about 10 years old, i’ve had to go in for yearly colonoscopies. i think the worst part about it all is dealing with the embarassment. nobody wants to say “i have colon cancer”. i spent years wishing it was something less gross, like liver cancer, or leukemia.. now i’m 18, and i’ve learned to accept it, and that if someone is weirded out by it, then theyre nobody to keep around..
two years ago they did the usual colonoscopy and found that the benign polyps had grown into cancerous ones. they pulled them out for testing, and the next year they found no new growths.. going in for my next scope in a month and a half.. i’m scared to death.
i don’t want to go through chemo. spend months, maybe years, bed ridden, having my whole colon removed, being dependant on everyone else for everything, not being able to work, or go to school. going through multiple surgeries, all for what? i know that its gonna be tough and i should just do it, cuz its my life we’re talking about.. but at the same time i dont wanna go through all that pain..
im not even sure why i’m writing this here, i guess i’m hoping someone or someones can relate.. even a little bit.. i hate feeling alone like this. like i only have myself to talk to about it..