Its that time of year again..

September 23, 2011 by  
Filed under Coping with Cancer

I used to be here under the name squishyish, now i’m linked through facebook, so to save myself typing out my story again, here’s the link to my first post:

As it is now almost October, im nearing my yearly colonoscopy. I dread it everytime. The horrible picosalax the night before, the hunger, it all sucks, to put it bluntly. Last year they moved me to the adult hospital, i got a new doctor, and i now am put under local anesthetic. It messed with my memory quite a bit. I don’t remember waking up, leaving the hospital, or any of the rest of the day. I was told i spent it at home with my (at the time) boyfriend, and i felt terrible that i didnt remember him being there. It also cost me my job. I made an error with my cab receipts because i couldnt remember things. I was furious, that this stupid cancer ruined so much. I’ve now found a steady job, and theyre aware that i will be a little confused the day back from my absence.

I go for my colonoscopy on October 18th, and even though ive had minimal growth the past two years, im still just as scared. Scared that my brother’s will have gotten much worse over the year, scared that mine will have taken a turn for the worse.. Ive been so sick this past year and a half, with 3 kidney infections, ovarian cysts, strep throat more times than i can count, infections, and most recently tonsillitis. I’ve had it for 3 months, just havent been able to afford the time off to get them removed. I know it all has nothing to do with the cancer, but it worries me. I just wish i wasnt known as the girl who’s always sick. I just want to be healthy. I’m tired of it affecting my life so much.

So now im playing the waiting game. Waiting to find out if theres more wrong with me this time..
i really hope not.. its been a rough year emotionally, and things are finally calming down. I don’t need another crisis..

Sorry for rambling, i just wish i had someone to talk to about it, that knew what it feels like. I have my brother, but its different when you’ve both grown up together with it, and he’s not as much of a worrywart as me. And now that im living on my own, i don’t see him much anymore..

My Pride Out the Window

August 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Community, Coping with Cancer

Okay…. so I’m new at this… all of this.  This is kind of long, I realize, so sorry to whoever takes the time to read it. This is my first time using any kind of thing like this, and it’s also my first time admitting these weaknesses, so bear with me.

I’m Adrian, I’m 17, and I was diagnosed with AML about 2 months ago. My parents are divorced, and my dad is really rich. He supports me and my mom financially, but he’s not really in either of our lives anymore. This seems irrelevant but it helps the rest make sense.

So here’s the story. When I was 16 (before I got cancer) I moved out of my mom’s house, and into my own apartment, paid in full by my dad. I homeschooled myself, I did everything for myself. I used my free time to do whatever I wanted… and I admit that I did some bad things… but I was living the good life.

I live in a town where everyone knows me. Even when I didn’t go to public high school, everyone knew me and hung out with me.  I was popular. I was the one with all the money, the one who showed up to and threw the best parties. And the girls weren’t exactly shy around me either.

And then cancer hit me.

It started with getting really tired, then nose bleeds and a fever. My mom took me to a doctor, and after various tests, blood counts, and a bone marrow aspiration… etc. I was told I had AML.

The news pretty much destroyed my mom. It didn’t bother me as much as it should have. I figured I’d just adapt.

And the strange thing is… the one thing that did bother me, was that I had to move back in with my mom basically because I wasn’t able to take care of myself anymore.

About three weeks after my diagnosis was my 17th birthday. It passed without event, since I was too tired and too sick from my first few chemo treatments to really do anything.

I went from being the most popular person my age, to being helpless, sick, and not to mention, bald. I went from being independent to needing my mom to take care of me when I’m sick. Throw all my pride out the window. No one saw me as popular or cool anymore. They saw me as the guy with cancer.

My whole life I’ve been the kind of guy who isn’t bothered by anything. I’ve always been tough, and I never showed any weakness. I’m always impassive.  I feel like now that I have cancer, I am weak. And I hate it.

I admit that there are people who have been great at making me feel better. I have a caring mother and my amazing girlfriend, Sara, and they’re so supportive.  But niether of them quite… get it. They tell me all the time how I shouldn’t feel bad for needing help, but I can’t shake the feeling still. At the moment, I just feel like I’m about five years old. I hate it.

Anyway… sorry for practically writing a novel. I’m not necessarily looking for advice or anything. But I feel like I need to know that I’m not crazy for feeling this way. Do I have any right to even have any pride anymore, now that I’m sick?

Help ppl think ima dude

I was diagnosed with AML back in december 11 2010. And i have lost all my hair(which is my pride) i was very strong bout it but now im startin to wear down because ppl are confusing me for a guy and im really upset bout it. my friends dont get it and idk what to do. someone please contact me. btw im 17

Too Young!

May 4, 2011 by  
Filed under Coping with Cancer, Friends and Family

Just having one of those days. :( I am a two time cancer survivor. Within the past week, I have had three friends that have taken a turn for the worse in the cancer journey and my friend’s dad died from cancer. It makes my heart ache. My two out of the three friends that have taken the turn are 18 and 17. The other one is 22, almost 23. It is TOO young! It breaks my heart to know that  they may never get to get married or have a family or have fun at all. The worst part is that two of them don’t even live in town :( so I can’t be with them.

I sometimes feel bad that I am healthy. Is that normal? I know that God has a plan for everything that happens. But sometimes I wonder why them and not me? It kills me to see the families. They are just heartbroken. I just don’t like that some of my best friends may not be here anymore. :( I have already lost three close friends to cancer! It is AWFUL!

I guess at this point in time, all I can do is continue to pray for them and be there for them as much as possible.

i have had a headache for the last two weeks if any one has any suggestions please let me no

Need support

Hi. My,name is Lahani. I’m 17 yeats old. I was diagnlsed with AML leukemia and its been nothing but a struggle. Emotionally, physcpically, mentally… I have sought support. Been turned away for being a teen, even had people become angry with me for inboxing their facebooks. I am running out of strength. I need support from other cancer victims. Most of all I need friends and someone to talk to, not just when i’m happy but also when I feel discouraged, frightened, sad or angry about my illness. I need people who understand i’m not just feeling sorry for myself. I’vw been emotionally battered in my search. If anyone at all could be a support to me please reply. Please contact me. Thank you.

I don’t even know where to begin… This is the first site I have found that I feel like I fit in.. I am 19 and was recently diagnosed with cancer. And so far the whole experience has been an up and down situation everyday.
I have not had to have an chemo yet, but have had three surgeries since the beginning of October. I have a brain tumor. It is a condrosarcoma so they think it grew up from my spine into my brain, and they say the size that it is and how slowly it is growing they think it has been there all my life but just was never noticed until recently. And the type of cancer it is they say I could have more other places, so I have to go down next week to have a full body bone scan.
I have never been one to be nervous or get freaked out… But I am kinda nervous that they are going to find more tumors.. And then i don’t know what is going to happen…
And I have already had to put off school and other stuff cause of this.. And one of the  hardest things is all my family and friends try and be supportive but they have know idea what it is like..
Thanks for listening!

hi my name is jeremiah i am starting a chat line for any one on here it will be a chat line number it is not only for people that went throo cancer but it is for adalts to email if interested in being apart @ jeremiahg20@gmail hope too here from you soon

February 27, 2011 by  
Filed under Community, Coping with Cancer, Survivor Stories

Hey Guys! I’m new to this site so I thought I’d introduce myself.

My name is Rachel, and at 14 years old I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Since then, I’ve gone into remission and then relapsed, so I had to have a stem cell transplant. I’m now 18 and in remission as far as I know, but I just had a CT scan and I’m really nervous about the results. I have this horrible feeling that my cancer’s come back again. I’m trying to be positive but I don’t think I can go through this for a third time.

I just wish I could feel like a normal kid again.

New To This

February 23, 2011 by  
Filed under Community, Coping with Cancer

Hey, my name’s Kyle, and I’m new to this. If you haven’t figured that out from the title. I have stage IV Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma, I’m 17, and doctors give me a 5% chance of living more than 3 years or so. I deal with that alright- I’m not afraid of dying, and I have a strong faith in God. What I struggle with, is that I have no one to relate to. It’s been two and a half years, and I’m…tired. I’m hoping this website will help with that. No one else I know that’s my age has cancer. So to a lot of people, I’m just the kid with cancer. I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people like me out there though.

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