"I Have to Go On With My Life"

I can't believe I was 20 years old the first time I watched someone die right in front of my eyes.

It was my younger brother Sam, no less. Older sisters aren't supposed to watch their little brothers die. Having Sam die of cancer was something I never expected. Hearing my parent's words, "Sam only has about a week to live," was the worst thing I had ever heard in my life

Even though I knew my brother was going to die, I just kept telling myself that he would get better. Finally, I guess, I just decided to accept his death, but I still felt guilty. I felt bad about all of the times I fought with him, for not visiting him enough at the hospital, and for not telling him that I loved him enough. But I really thought I would have enough time to fix those things.

I guess what helps me get up in the morning is knowing that Sam is in a better place, wherever that may be, and he is always with me. No, it was not fair that he was taken away, but I have to go on with my life. Now, I think of the fun times that we had together growing up, instead of dwelling on those things that I wish I could change.

I am not afraid to die because Sam will be waiting for me.